questions

Will you ever see her? The girl who hides her beauty, longing to be found. Can you hear her tear drops as they fall gently among roses? Or do you search for her because you desire her beyond what she herself can recognize? Can you see deep in to her eyes and see her soul? She is lost. Searching for something to fill her heart, something to fill her spirit. She doesn't see herself anymore. She is a shell of what she once was. Her life makes little sense to her these days this woman has lost her worth. Her dreams are big, but seem unreachable. Can you love her? Can you put the passion and the fire back in this woman that once was? Can she trust you? Can you guide her? Or will she stay hidden tied and bound by her mistakes???????.............

Thoughts at random

Sadness reaps when someone you meet falls before you do, sadness seeps when both parties are restricted from anything other than a friendship. Sadness sinks when you realize you're jaded by your past. Scared to be hurt, scared to open up, but what hurts even deeper is knowing that perhaps you are hurting someone else because you want to take it slow and they are not where you are. I never want to hurt another because of the deep pain I've suffered. You need to get to know me first ask me questions, learn about me, and then you can truly say you know something about me. 

There are always things I believe a person wishes they could change, I am however a believer that there are reasons why people come into our lives.  Maybe its Gods life lesson, He brings a person or a situation up to see if you would handle it the way you would of before, or if you learned from before and perhaps would follow a different path all together. Honestly speaking I wish I knew what it was I exactly want from this life! I am 31 years old and I am still trying to figure this out. I feel pathetic. One thing I know I want, is to be Happy! Fulfilled! I want to travel anywhere a car or boat can take me because I don't fly lol. I want to raise a happy, intelligent, independent, well rounded child. My son is my everything and I work so hard at making sure he knows that. I wonder sometimes though is it wrong to say for me I want to feel whole and complete, because of a love so divine. I want him to witness an extraordinary love instead of just an ordinary love??? As a woman we have needs why shouldn't we feed ourselves, men do it all the time? I want that knock me off my feet, spectacular love. Who knows if I never get it at least I will have dreampt of it. I just ask if you are going to attempt to know me work at it. Show me your brilliance. The main thing that I focus on above anything is your intelligence, can you stimulate me with your mind? I am  sapiosexual and a proud one. 

Sitting Reminiscing Written by me

Sitting reminiscing of how we could be, if all the mistakes could just be erased. Waiting for something else to happen to help me overcome the sorrow and the pain that is left in the wake of our life now. I remember a time filled with grace, desire, laughter, and pleasure before the disaster. If we could do it over suppose we'd do it much different or maybe we just would not do it at all? Only GOD knows. All I know is sitting reminiscing has made me feel disruptive. I want you gone from my mind, severed from my heart, you have took up enough time and energy for me. Although I want you gone the chances of never thinking of you again is slim, every where I go your  memory is there, every time I close my eyes I can see your face and the way you smiled at me through your eyes. Why can't you see what I see instead of the mistakes that has divided you from me, because if you bother to look back on the ashes you left my blood still boils just for you.

To: Mindie (you will know why I wrote this) I love yah sista
written by Catherine Rafferty

Reflection

You ever have a moment when you sit alone and memories flood your mind till its pouring from your eyes? How come it's so damn hard to let things go? Memories eat at my brain, It's paralyzing sometimes. I am strong and continue moving forward that is not the problem. Sometimes though I wish I could go back and change the things that mattered to not matter anymore. If I didn't write I would be lost.

People from your past they move on they get married, they seem to be thrilled in there life all the time as if nothing is ever bothersome, just a facade I know; everyone has issues. I wonder though with everything if certain people I once used to know sat and thought the way I do about them. Saddened by ended friendships, or the distance now displaced between us. What a sad feeling, You think or at least I think, of all the times we made each other smile, or we laughed with each other, or came together because of a mutual understanding about a painful situation. I am never in malice of  these people. I am glad things turned the way they did and people are finding happiness and etc. However there are these moments when I sit by myself my house peaceful  (completely unusual) and it gives me time to think and reflect. I sit here writing this crying, like a fool..(laughing) I guess because I think why? Just because people move on do we have to stop being close friends, why do we have to put barriers up and walls?..I am also to blame I am built like fort knox honestly.

I take some solace in that I can take these moments to let those walls down and cry though it gives me a good cleansing & refreshes my soul that even though I am sad perhaps one day I will not be. I wish I could take back mistakes I have made, although in that same sense I think without those mistakes I would have learned nothing. So here I spill it To all who read this post which I don't think is really anybody..I want someone to get to know me, the real me, deep down. Someone to laugh because I am funny, someone to recognize how intelligent I am, someone who sees the smile on my face and wants to know whats behind it. I would give everything to have the man in my life to feel that, but I know he doesn't, you just get used to being with someone and the comfort-ability with that person you almost don't know how to live without them. I think that is our case.

Well I have ranted on long enough I am not sure what this will do for me right now, but getting all this insanity out might stop this incredible crying I have going on. (laughing) I hate to cry and I don't do it often.

S.Free

Its hard for me because I can't forget the way you used to make me smile, I could remember a time when seeing your face, or hearing your voice made me feel so secure. So right for each other perhaps in a different time and place. You were my best friend I could tell you anything happy or sad and you would always be there loving me no matter what happened. We moved on, each stepping back it could never be our lives living so differently. It was so hard for me for so long, it was as if a part of me died a slow painful death.

Months have gone by and I think of you now and again, Everyone says its the for the best, but I still cant help remember you from time to time. So I do the one and stupid thing I could ever do and email you, letting my impulse get the best of me; and you are you saying the most sweetest things. Reminding me of the kind of man you are. I would give anything to forget sometimes.

I know for people who read this you might not understand. It was more than what you may imagine. A friendship so close it would take your breath away. Someone who intellectually stimulated your mind and fed your intelligence like a nurturing supplement. It was knowing someone so far away knew you better in side than anyone you ever came in contact with. It was as if your soul was a puzzle piece and this other soul connected with your's like the missing piece.

I cried one good cry the day I knew we had to say goodbye, but felt the torture of it like a stagnant wound. Hearing from you again only makes me realize for good or bad, for what ever reason our beings are connected.  Although it will just always be a friendship it's one I don't want to lose. Knowing now you feel the same only makes me happy I sent the e-mail.

samir

I should have never doubted you, You told me once you would never leave me and you never have. You made me see after being blind for so long so thank you, thank you so much because you gave me something I didn't think was possible that was recognizing what my soul needed to keep it vibrant.

Captivating: Pride and Prejudice

Captivating: Pride and Prejudice: One of my all time favorite books and movie is Pride and Prejudice. Can you imagine such a prideful man as Mr. Darcy His love so divine, so ...

Pride and Prejudice

One of my all time favorite books and movie is Pride and Prejudice. Can you imagine such a prideful man as Mr. Darcy His love so divine, so courageous. If only woman these days could find a love so meaningful. The   greatness between Mr. Darcy and his love Ms. Elizabeth simply takes my breath away. The reason I speak of this, is because I have read the book twice and seen the movie so many times I cant count; and each time when he looks at her standing tall and manly with such vulnerability declares that his love has not changed from so much time before, but that he hopes hers had; and that if they had he would never for one second want to be separated from her, I shed a tear each time..At that moment she knows that with all of her that she was in love that everything she had thought of Mr. Darcy was mistakenly wrong.

I swear I think I was meant to live in a time like that. My stories my words echo passion and love beyond these days comprehension. I only hope that I raise my son with the sensitivity and pride of a man like Mr. Darcy. If I never in my life time get to experience such deep love myself, at least my son might have the chance to love someone in the way perhaps I was never meant.

If you have never read the book or seen the movie I urge you, it is most fantastic. For the time you are reading, or maybe even watching the movie you will experience the love I am talking about. The movie is a bit long about 2 hrs 15 min..get Kleenex and  plot yourself, I am surely you will be affected. Maybe not as profoundly as me but most certainly you will have watched one of the greatest films of all time, or read the greatest book ever printed.

If only you missed me

If I said I missed you, would you say you missed me to? Would you say you needed me more than you or I could bare?,
If I said I missed you, would you say you missed me to ? Would you stand before and declare a forever love that no one dares?
If I said I missed you, would you say you missed me to? Would you say your sorry and bestow your love upon me?
If you said You missed me I would say, "My spirit was your spirit I was just waiting for you to see!"