You ever have a moment when you sit alone and memories flood your mind till its pouring from your eyes? How come it's so damn hard to let things go? Memories eat at my brain, It's paralyzing sometimes. I am strong and continue moving forward that is not the problem. Sometimes though I wish I could go back and change the things that mattered to not matter anymore. If I didn't write I would be lost.
People from your past they move on they get married, they seem to be thrilled in there life all the time as if nothing is ever bothersome, just a facade I know; everyone has issues. I wonder though with everything if certain people I once used to know sat and thought the way I do about them. Saddened by ended friendships, or the distance now displaced between us. What a sad feeling, You think or at least I think, of all the times we made each other smile, or we laughed with each other, or came together because of a mutual understanding about a painful situation. I am never in malice of these people. I am glad things turned the way they did and people are finding happiness and etc. However there are these moments when I sit by myself my house peaceful (completely unusual) and it gives me time to think and reflect. I sit here writing this crying, like a fool..(laughing) I guess because I think why? Just because people move on do we have to stop being close friends, why do we have to put barriers up and walls?..I am also to blame I am built like fort knox honestly.
I take some solace in that I can take these moments to let those walls down and cry though it gives me a good cleansing & refreshes my soul that even though I am sad perhaps one day I will not be. I wish I could take back mistakes I have made, although in that same sense I think without those mistakes I would have learned nothing. So here I spill it To all who read this post which I don't think is really anybody..I want someone to get to know me, the real me, deep down. Someone to laugh because I am funny, someone to recognize how intelligent I am, someone who sees the smile on my face and wants to know whats behind it. I would give everything to have the man in my life to feel that, but I know he doesn't, you just get used to being with someone and the comfort-ability with that person you almost don't know how to live without them. I think that is our case.
Well I have ranted on long enough I am not sure what this will do for me right now, but getting all this insanity out might stop this incredible crying I have going on. (laughing) I hate to cry and I don't do it often.
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