August 26, 2011
                                                 Is it possible I wonder for you to be broken by someone else? To once know your worth Until of the sudden you don't anymore? As A woman I know what I seek a strong, Intelligent, fun, loving man, Who respects me and Loves me for who I am. Not what he try's to mold me into. I think I have always been dominant, beautiful, funny, loving. But I have never lied; in that I am a negative nelly, I push, and push people away that try and get close to me. I think in some ways I  seek out someone who is strong enough to see the walls and push pass them despite themselves. I thought I stumbled up on that one, but now I am not so sure. I feel so broken down. Worn, Unable to understand my worth that once was so clear. Its like everything I once knew I no-longer know what it all stands for. I had fallen to hard to quick Before I new it I was doing things unlike myself. We would fight and I would immediately say it must be my fault. The want paralyzed me, I realized I now needed him emotionally he was feeding me. My own feelings started not to matter as long as he was happy and  kind again. Time and time again I seen that I had become weaker not stronger.  Time has passed I felt defeated. The final  night He said he needed time, My heart shattering, tears flooded my eyes more than ever, and I realized I did nothing to deserve this. He actually used the words that haunt my mind "you know what your problem is?" as a list came to be. I sat stunned. My problem are you serious My problem. Just yesterday we were great.. you said your phone needed to charge I said ok..The next day it was a switch you shut down, You needed time, I was a problem, and yes I will say it blah blah blah...I came to see he didn't care if I was crying on the other side because of his words. Why do I care so much what my problem is, No one is perfect don't when you fall in love, you love that person good or bad.? I have to take it back my dominance, I have to stop being scared he is gonna walk, He always says he's not going anywhere, So if he does walk than that is his lies he lays next to right. So I begin today this moment no matter what the end consequence to gain back my confidence, my worth. I am who I am and for anyone who thinks they are gonna change me or not like me for who I am well accept me for me or kick rocks. GOT IT !!!